Just the other day, Raju the businessman saw an open manhole on the street right outside his home. It was stolen under the snoozfull watch of the two watchmen of the buildings on either side of the manhole. They work 3 eight hour shifts a day at less than 1500 rupees a month, and expecting them to do anything other than opening the gate after they are awoken (often violently) is being too optimistic. To out smart the thieves, the BMC has resorted to layering manhole covers across the city, with tar. But we all know who's smarter. The manholes go missing in spite of this stupefying idea.
Frustrated, and concerned for his children, Raju the businessman decided to make "theft proof" manholes. An advanced yet very basic and cheap solution, that allows BMC to safely cover these portals to Mumbai's choked underworld, without worrying about them disappearing. But as he began to dream about the profits of such a long term, lucrative contract with the Government, he ran into the catch. There has to be a catch! That is an essential part all the brilliant ideas of our reality.
"Over my dead body, will i work for the government!" he grumbled. "I’ll never be happy. These babus are the worst type of clients.
Let’s assume i fill the tender.
The BMC will then invite more contractors to bid for the same project. Mine is the cheapest, most efficient, environment friendly and viable solution. Yet i will never receive the contract. They will pick the 3rd or 4th highest bidder.
Why?
Because his bid is inflated, taking into account, their bribe.
Say, it’s a 10 crore project. They will demand 7-10% for allotting the contract.
I, with my lowest bid, will not be able to provide any sort of "Gift Hamper".
Fuckers used to drink tharra! Now they're too used to their daily doze of scotch.
But... even the fellow who bags the contract is screwed. No one can be happy doing business with babus. The bottom line with them is "mere ko kya milenga?"
This contractor will now struggle. He pays taxes as per government regulations. He even pays tax on the bribe money! He's running a completely legitimate business (barring the bribe of course). Yet, even after that, he looses 10% to these babus.
So where will he get the 10% from? He's working to make money after all!
He'll use substandard material, and delay the project, so he can capitalize on inflation, and make more money.
I tell you, we should all just stop bidding for government tenders.
NO ONE!
Not a single firm should pitch for anything!
Let the allotted money for all projects rot with the government. It’s our money after all, and it’s not going anywhere.
Let’s see how these madarchods they pay for their Black Label then!"
